A debate brews almost daily amongst peers on the frightening state of the fashions we frequent walking around the city streets. Mainly it pertains to uggs, le walmart, track pants, or incessant repetetive themes easily traded out, a factory of gino bliss and disorderly elderly.
Today a certain tweet came up demanding the instant ban on fedoras which was quickly opposed with a piece of legislature arguing it is thee who wears said fedora who shall be banned.Painfully stinging our eyes is not the fault of the poor millenium trashed headwear. Forever lost in a sea of death warden headpieces like the classic baseball cap or the uninfluential douchbaggery of the cowboy hat anywear above the bible belt (sorry Alberta ).
So we came up with a few things I would like to call the Phrenology of Fashion.
A web of maps marked up by importance to my life and the extent of unconscious disgust regurgitates over my grey matter.
Here our my seasons choices for what I believe should be IN and should be OUT.
Remember it is your CHOICE to abide by my suggestions but it is also your CHOICE to give into the closet door blindly.
-Cargo Shorts, especially camo pattered and especially not with flip-flops and socks.
-Uggs; especially with leggings and a sweat shirt with full face.
-Saggy pants; this includes over the ass homophobesexual targets, sweat pants when you are not sweating, tapered track pants especially if you’re not actually exercising.
-Track and Sweat does not style make. Keep it in the home or as one man said as a rule of thumb, If you’re locking your door you shouldn’t be wearing jogging-anything!
-While we`re on the topic of athleticism I do not support running shoes slash sneakers when you`re not actually being active. This includes sport socks, caps, wind breakers, dare I say hoodies in these political times, soccer shorts, and jerseys. I`ll allow fitted caps as it is a style I do not understand but would rather than the rounded curves of my little league youth.
-Douchebag and Douchettes;Dress shoes with track pants(see above), printed denim, any variation of an ed hardy design; rhinestone asses, pointy shoes, brow designs, cowboy hats, new real fur, huge tribal, chinese symbol tattoos, pharmaceutical companies, shiny black tights with leopard pumps with patent bag and guidette attitude
-Just Trash and Not the good kind; Heeled Timberlands, Jack & Jones, cornrolls and full braids, shaved brow designs, non political hoochey-wear, tuition fees, eyebrow piercings, Pink Ribbon Campaigns, animal tails, white sunglasses, white panty hose, thick ties
Special ShoutOUTs: Boxers, Gladiator Sandals, Nautical clothing, Bright Red, Anna Wintour Shades, Powersuits, Upright Crosses, JPG,Right Wing Extremism, Meat Clothes, Aged Government, Roots
Now that we`ve all gasped over all of the bad choices we have made over the past few years lets chuck it at the next clothing swap and move on.
-Ladies in Big Hats, Men`s Dapper Hats, parasols, Sundresses.
-Cutoffs of any kind, Dressy Shorts.
-Unisex, androgyny, Heels for everybody, shaved side long ass hair.
-Red Squares not Red Poppies.
-Innovative textiles; rubber, nylon, plastics, nu linens, wood, glass encrusted lace, polka dots.
-Marijuana;legalization, decriminalization, cultivation, taxation, hemp, food, medicine, life.
-Colors; Sea Foam, turquoise, Pastel Green, Mint, Pastel yellow, Neon Beige, Dragon Red, Dark Lips, Hot Pink Lips, Pastel Violet Lips
-Fitted e v e r y t h i n g.
-Matching underwear, bright underwear,fashion briefs and boxer briefs, bright and coloured socks, mismatched socks, Happy Socks, Thigh highs, knee highs, prostitute couture, Meggings, men in tights.
Special ShoutINs: Men with feathers, original tattoo designs, Zerphy tank tops, John Galliano, Sense of humour, More shoes less sneakers, Third Party Non-Research Oriented and Local Charities, Veganism, and a higher consciousnesses, Atheism, cameos, every pastel colour
What Do You Guys T
hink Of The List?
Did I miss some?
Are you appalled i insulted your look?
Let me know what you all think for the next list!